I am Writer, Read me Write

 So, I signed up for another continuing education writing class at the local university. I'm stressed about it but at the same time love how it’s opening my world up just a bit more.

 Since Monday’s first class, I already have a good feeling about the instructor,  I’m not the oldest one in there (why this age complex?) and I already feel a competitiveness that I haven’t felt at work for quite some time. So, I love it.

 What annoys me is seeing how confident the youngin’s are and I long to travel back in time and mulligan my 20’s. Do them over with all the confidence that I have finally amassed to date – which, for the record, would still leave me with a huge void to continue filling...

 But where do these guys get it from? Are we breeding these smug-as-hell 22 year-old university grads to come out fighting? Where was I when I finally graduated university? Oh yeah,  I was super-tipsy at the annual May 2-4 end-of-year-before-high-paying-GM-summer-student-job, northern-Ontario camping drunkfestpolooza. Where were my goals? Mulligan!

 And another thing…there were 6 guys and 8 girls in the class. The instructor asked, on three occasions, for someone to give an example topic of an article that the class could workshop. How many of the girls do you think raised their hands? Zero. All the takers were male. What is that bullshit anyway? It just leads me to believe I’m not the only one lacking confidence in this day and age.

 So, out of the eight females, there were three experienced women, there were three of me (30-something new-ish moms) and there were two young student types.  If we were all so bold as to sign up for the class, why oh why couldn’t we muster up enough courage to expose OUR ideas? I’ll tell you why I didn’t – because I didn’t want to bore anyone with the ideas I had for my articles about being a 30-something young working mother of two living in the Big Smoke and aspiring to be so much more than she thinks she is now. Instead, I chose to listen to all the boys talk about pot, condos and jet-setting. So why should I have to sit and work out their ideas and not feel strongly enough about my ideas to expose them to class as a workshop topic?

 I won’t anymore. Screw this. I am totally taking a page from a young 20 year old co-op student I work with who is the most arrogant young thing I have ever met, and yet still maintains total and utter charm. I will conquer this fear and doubt of my abilities. I will WRITE, dammit.

Ssy

originally posted: 2:55 PM - 2008-OCT-8